Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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