we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
