just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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