4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
