they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
