So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The power of my boobs compel you
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
