that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
