dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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