I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
