Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
