u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize