My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
