just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
