I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
