why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize