Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
