Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
