Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
