I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize