Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
