There was a lot of him and a little penis
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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