How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
