letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In other news, I just burned my penis
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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