Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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