you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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