no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
