I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
