if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
