I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
