Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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