Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize