Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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