A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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