i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
