Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
