Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
