I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
