nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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