What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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