Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
