I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
