I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize