I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
