my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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