and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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