Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
