His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize