im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
