your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize