the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
