half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
