so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
