so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
