We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
