watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
