Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
