I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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