you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
