Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
