I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
