I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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