i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
