dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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