I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
