I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
