He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
