dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
