So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
