Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
