How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
