she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
