Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
