Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
