i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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