Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
