The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I wish there were birth control emojis
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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