Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
