last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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