So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize