New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
