I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
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