Already got asked if we're dating
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
