small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
