this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
