You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize