Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
