I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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