I need help removing her.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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